Sounds Good on Paper
by ArceusGPG
Summary: This is a short one-shot set in Paper Mario Thousand Year Door. It's an ordinary day, until Mario's partners begin fighting over who's the strongest. Will they ever resolve their differences? Will they need a mediator? What will happen? Will I stop asking questions? Please?


It was a peaceful day, and all of Mario's papery friends were having a picnic in Petal Meadows by themselves. The hero, the two-dimensional Mario himself, thought that spending quality time together would be a great team-building exercise. It would have been too, if it weren't for the bombshell of a question that Goombella dropped.

"So... which one of us is the strongest? I'm thinking Vivian is."

Vivian blushed. She nibbled on her sandwich, pretending not to notice.

"I mean, she may look all cute and nice, but watch out, 'cuz she won't hesitate to deliver the absolute beatdown, y'know?"

"Yeah?" the yoshi challenged, "I don't think so. We all know that I'm the strongest, no doubt about it." The little dinosaur grabbed a watermelon slice with his tongue. Then, after chewing quickly, spat out all of its seeds across the meadow.

"Now how do you figure that?" Ms. Mowz asked, intrigued.

"Well, you know, I'm fast, too fast for those monsters we constantly face. I can always get at least five hits on them before they can land even one. That is, if they can even get close enough to touch me."

"Balderdash!" Admiral Bobbery sputtered, "Dealing one damage per hit is nothing to be proud of, my boy. Even this old sea dog can deliver a solid six damage in one blast. Not only that, but when this old-timer is feeling up to it, I can blast an entire battlefield in a massive explosion, wot wot."

"My _stars_, how very uncouth," Madame Flurrie said, sipping her favorite tea, "I'm glad my little Mario doesn't have to prove his worth by blowing himself up."

Koops swallowed his food. "Well, I know _I'm_ not the strongest, at least not yet. But... I'm going to keep getting stronger... for everyone."

"_Of course_ you're not the strongest," the yoshi said, waving his hand dismissively, "You fall over and cry every time you get hit on the head."

"Hey," Goombella cut in, "Leave him alone. At least he's actually good for something, unlike you, Mr. I'm-not-really-good-at-anything-except-being-sat-on-top-of."

"You're not too much different, Miss I-can-talk-about-gossip-and-useless-trivia."

"My tattle ability allows Mario to know who he's fighting. Plus, I can technically deliver an infinite amount of damage with my multi-bonk."

"Don't even bother talking to _that one_," Ms. Mowz said, gesturing to the yoshi, "He's just being a baby."

"I'm not a baby! I hatched a really long time ago!"

"Oh, yes," Flurrie said, placing her cup on the plate, "Didn't Mario give you a name then?"

That topic was absolutely off-limits for the yoshi. He didn't want to bring up horrible memories of being called by his name.

"My name is Killer, and don't you forget it!"

Vivian put a finger to her chin thoughfully. "I thought Mario named you Giggles."

Yoshi's face became red with shame.

"Oh, yes, that's right," Ms. Mowz said, "I wish I could have been there to see the look on your face. I wonder if Mario did that in seriousness."

Koops put his hand behind his head, laughing. "I'm pretty sure that it was the user's fault, not Mario's."

"Hey!" Goombella shouted, teasingly, "Only _I'm_ allowed to talk about them! You already have a niche, being the timid one. I have to remain the sassy one for now."

"I thought it was little ol' Vivian 'ere who was the timid one all this time," Bobbery said, sipping on some lemonade through a straw.

"No, she's the shy and unappreciated one," Goombella said as she grabbed a sandwich and began munching furiously on it.

"Ah, so you have all finally realized that we're all equally balanced," Flurrie said, "We all have strengths and weaknesses, and we all have each other for support. Mario needs all of us because we all have something to offer."

"We haven't come to any agreement!" Yoshi shouted, "I'm still the best!"

That statement sent the whole gang into a huge argument. There were garbled shouts, followed by the influx of insults from multiple parties. The seven partners began raising their voices, challenging one another, some of them barraging one another with threats of "smackdowns" or "jolly good thrashings".

All of a sudden, Rawk Hawk burst into the scene, shouting a war cry. With a terribly swift movement, he stomped on all of their heads, knocking them all out. Then he stomped on the food and kicked it around for good measure.

Then he screamed his name to the clouds and ran off.

A few feet away, Mario was laughing hysterically in the bushes. It was _so_ worth the champion's belt just to see that. The best part, he had gotten it on camera. Now, he could see the looks on their faces after they discovered the hilarious video on the internet.

Mario jumped away with his camera, still laughing at his first successful prank. Yes... the first sucessful prank... but there were certainly more to come.

After this event died down, he had plans to send them on another picnic. Next time it would be on the moon...

**Author Note: I know, absolutely outrageous. Well, comedy is rarely known for its clarity.**

**If you think it's incredibly dumb, tell me why. You can PM or whatever and tell me how I can improve.**


End file.
